She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
