Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
