yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
