Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize