I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
