we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
