just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
