Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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