Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
