D3 body, D1 cock
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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