i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
birth control should be required to get into college
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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