After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize