so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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