Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
