She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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