If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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