wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
