just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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