Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
