I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
