I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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