After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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