you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
