FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
