I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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