I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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