Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
