It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
