I murdered the dance floor call the cops
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
