party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize