You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize