What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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