they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
