you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
