dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
