He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize