so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
