I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
