I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
