The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
