I wish i was in the wii world.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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