mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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