Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
