how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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