My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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