Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize