Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
