If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
