I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
