Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
