I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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