Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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