i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
