I'm going to jail i love you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize