I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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