yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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