While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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