but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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