I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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