Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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