I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
