I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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