Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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