So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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