that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
