Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
3pm strippers are depressing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i believe in u and ur pee
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
