the condom got lost in my hair
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
