eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
