You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
