hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
