Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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