The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
