party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
