i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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